“My Other Half Isn’t…Any Tinseltowns Leading Men”

23 Sep

The other night, while watching “Pretty in Pink”, I began to think of how extremely lucky Molly Ringwald’s character was.  After all there she was with not one guy but TWO guys who were all about her. Then to add insult to injury, the girl didn’t even have to go to concerts, online dating, girl’s nights or happy hours to find these guys. 

No, all she had to do was go to school and look at her one and only guy friend. 

Lucky bitch. 

I remember watching this movie as a kid thinking how great it would be to have a “Duckie”; the best guy friend who was adorable, in love with me and OBVIOUSLY the right guy.  (Don’t even get me started on how Blaine was the WRONG choice) 

Then I began thinking of how I used to base my future husband off of the leading men in these romantic comedies as a little girl and as a teen. 

I wanted the guy who was going to hold the  boom box out her window with Peter Gabriel blaring. 

Yes, I was going to date the kind of guy that was going to sing “You’re just to good to be true” on the soccer field at my school just for me. 

Oh, and butterflies in my stomach would only occur when I witness the boy I was crazy about punch out a guy in defense of my honor. 

In any of that list did you see, ” I was going to get butterflies in my stomach when some guy accuses me of looking at Yahoo during work”?! 

No wonder there are so many single women out there!  We are all victims of romantic films brainwashing our young impressionable minds that true love; perfect guys are out there. 

Below is a list of the perfect movie boyfriends who have made it harder to see the declaration of “I like you” in the random funny faces I get throughout the day. 

Mandy Moore and Shane West in "A Walk To Remember"


Landon Carter: A Walk to Remember 

When I was seventeen I was completely in love with this guy.  How could I not be?  He bought his girlfriend a sweater after noticing she only had one!  He named a star after her.  Yes, A STAR!  Landon even learned how to dance and spun Miss Jaime Sullivan around on her balcony.  Oh!  Then to top it all off, when she was dying of Leukemia he proposed to her at 18.  18 years old and he proposes.  Guys have difficulty asking a girl out and this guy is proposing before he can even legally drink.  Landon Carter is definitely one of the greatest movie boyfriends of all time. 

Ryan Gosselin as Noah Calhoun in "The Notebook"


Noah Calhoun: The Notebook 

For every guy who thinks holding the door open is something a girl needs to be thankful for, meet Noah Calhoun.  Noah climbed up a Ferris Wheel to ask Miss Ally Hamilton out and built a dream house for her.  (Yeah, you paying for dinner doesn’t seem like such a big deal now does it?) Noah fell victim to young love and, even when apart, never did get over his first true love.  Even when Ally began suffering with Alzheimer’s, he didn’t trade her in for some hot young model.  He stayed with her in an old age home and read to her everyday in hopes that she would remember him. 

Richard Gere as Edward Lewis in "Pretty Woman"


Edward Lewis: Pretty Woman 

Long before there was an Edward Cullen, there was Edward Lewis; heir to a company fortune who enjoyed staying in the penthouses of hotels despite his fear of heights.  Deathly afraid of commitment (obviously he had never met Mr. Calhoun or Mr. Carter), he hires a prostitute named Vivian to be his date to various events throughout the week.  Before I continue I should mention that I was only about five when I saw this film, had no idea what a prostitute was but I became completely obsessed with a guy saving me from my ordinary life.  He takes her to a country derby, the opera, a private jet ride and a shopping spree to end all shopping sprees.  Don’t forget he even punched out his friend/business partner to defend her honor.  The perfect guy in a suit, indeed. 

Patrick Dempsey as Tom Bailey


Tom Bailey: Made of Honor 

I have an affection for Patrick Dempsey.  I truly do.  Even when his character, Dr. McDreamy, was sleeping with Meredith and still married to Addison I loved him.  This is why when “Made of Honor” came out my mother and I saw it opening weekend and both sighed with every twinkle of this man’s baby blues.  Tom is basically a oversexed whore who suddenly comes to the realization that he’s in love with his best friend Hannah.  Then, without warning, she becomes engaged while away on business and makes Tom her Maid of Honor.  For all those men out there who believe that going shopping with their girlfriends is a trauma, take a look at what Tom did to win Hannah’s affections.  Mr. Bailey went lingerie shopping, juggled china plates, wore a kilt, made baskets for the bridal party, planned her bridal shower, rode a horse into a church to stop a wedding and declared his love to her on a mountain in Scotland.  You normal guys really do make me sick after watching this movie. 

Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson


Jack Dawson: Titanic 

When I think back to the list of movies that ruined my perception of men, Titanic is up there.  It may even be the kryptonite to my realistic views on men.  Imagine being a thirteen year old girl seeing Jack Dawson keep Rose from killing herself for the sixth time in the movie theater.  Imagine sighing and thinking how amazing it would be to date an artist so he could draw you!  How great would it be for your teenaged imagination to think that when you get older a Jack Dawson was going to take you away and, after taking your virginity in the backseat of a car, show you how to ride a horse like a man and spit like a man.  Even as I write this, my 13-year-old self kind of wants to book a cruise and try to jump off to see if Jack Dawson rescues her. 

Can anyone think of any onscreen boyfriends that made you set your sights to high in the love department?


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