My Other Half Isn’t…In My Office

25 May

If a girl happens to fall for a guy friend, there are four stages to that relationship.

The first is the friendship stage.  Here neither one of you have any attraction to each other whatsoever.  You chat about random things and tell each other about dates that turned into disasters.  It is probably the most honest you are in any of the four stages because you have nothing to lose by being truthful.

Then something happens.  Something is said that literally makes your heart flutter.  As pathetic as it sounds, the world completely stops and you realize that you’ve fallen for your friend.  Everything normal that you guys used to do is now analyzed to the point that it makes no sense anymore.  Every word is put into a memory bank to be replayed over and over again.  The question of “do they feel the same way too”  plays over and over again in your mind.  Thats the second stage; the schoolgirl/boy stage.

Stage three happens when you both realize that you like each other and give a relationship a go.  Depending on how long you guys have liked each other, the transition could be relatively easy.  The cute little glances start, the emails that seem to give Shakespeare a run for his money begin, and the day dreams of future adventures start.  Stage three is AMAZING and makes you feel like everything in your life is this one of a kind ride.

If you’re lucky, the fourth stage is a meaningful relationship that gets you an amazing happy ending.  If you’re like me (and completely screwed in matters of the heart) the fourth stage is the awkward break up without breaking up stage.  You drift off, you spend less and less time together and you begin to convince yourself that you never really liked him in the first place.  The fourth stage is horrible for the obvious reasons but especially because this great friend that you had is now just an awkward person that you hang out with randomly.

I’ve been through each of these stages about three times in my dating career.  My most recent was a coworker of mine.  (Rule number one:  don’t date a coworker).

I started my current job in the latter part of the summer and met him on my second day.  Robert (names have been changed because the idea of getting sued doesn’t turn me on) was completely adorable but I really didn’t start to like him until around Thanksgiving; maybe even before that.

Well, once I came to that realization I became Queen of the Nerds.  The one thing I’ve noticed about myself is that when I like someone, and see them all the time, I become 10 years old.  I bump into things, I say random nonsense and it just isn’t a pretty situation.  An example of my complete lack of seducing techniques came when I walked into the kitchen with a bag of chips in my hand.  He jokingly remarked how it was rude to eat those things and not bring enough for everyone.  Well, I rambled that I got them from the machine and they cost 25 cents so they weren’t very good.  With a nervous laugh, I turned and walked right out.

Queen of the Nerds.

Stage three finally happened in early December with a walk through the city on a winter night and kiss in the park.  It was probably one of the most romantic evenings I’ve ever had to be honest.  From then on it was emails every day, teasing each other every time we saw each other around the office, and being kicked under the table during company happy hours.  I ate up every word, compliment and goofy moment that came my way.

Not everything was a romantic montage set to some overused pop song though.  I had been single for so long that I really had a problem opening up.  Fort Knox has nothing on the security system I have around my heart.  It’s awful and the more he kept trying to get to know me, the more I kept trying to get to know all about him JUST to avoid talking about myself.

Another problem was my independence.  I don’t feel the need to see a guy EVERY weekend on dates.  My way of thinking was if I saw you every day, when did I get my alone time?  My weekends were filled with trips, a funeral, friend drama and everything else you could think of.  My friends were my family.

I think the problem was that each of us had things that we needed to fix and neither one of us wanted to budge on it.  Stubbornness and pride really don’t go well with the start of a relationship.  It is just an obvious fact.

Now, I am living in stage four nearly every day.  By mid April the awkwardness began and as of today, May 25th, it is safe to say that we now have a very awkward friendship.  There are no more emails.  The teasing is random and few and far between.  There arent romantic walks through the New York City night and I am willing to bet money that there won’t be anymore with him.

However, I did learn that having Fort Knox around you isn’t a way to keep from getting hurt.  If anything, it keeps you from fully enjoying the great thing you have.  If everything in life happens for a reason; I think this happened for that lesson.


4 Responses to “My Other Half Isn’t…In My Office”

  1. nobodyouknow May 25, 2010 at 8:11 pm #

    I love this 🙂 Taking down the walls is terrifying though

  2. Ialreadyknow May 26, 2010 at 2:18 am #

    To have at least something good come from the situation- and something that you’ve now learned about yourself is worth it. The 7 months of ups and downs have gotten you take down some of fort knox you have built up around you, just don’t take it down too quickly.

  3. Mindless Rambler May 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

    Yep, don’t take the walls down too quickly, just enough for you to peek over and others to peek on over back 🙂

  4. writingsofahiddengem May 28, 2010 at 12:58 pm #

    As a male, I can relate to the blog posting in two ways:

    1. Do not date coworkers – I had to learn this the hard way. The woman who I liked didn’t even get to the point where we could go out after work. It ended up as a waste of time.

    2. Opening up – Another problem that I have with women. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to get hurt or misjudged. But it’s a part of life.

    I’ll be keeping up with your blog just to see how your progress goes. Good luck.

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